Banana Tree Gang

Why I'm walking for WAGEC again this year

I often pass this banana tree when I go to get my groceries. Each time, it triggers me to reflect on my life and how far I've come. This year, I gave birth to a baby boy, adding additional layers to the already complex way I feel.

There once was a time I was in deep denial that I was living with domestic violence and abuse. I thought my father's volatile moods were just "the way he was"; something I needed to live with for the sake of family unity and "peace". Even though, put bluntly, that peace made me fear for my life and my mother's life. 

It took me a long time to leave, and it was hard to do so for several reasons, as it is for ALL survivors. A big part was the shame of "abandoning" my father, who I still care about. But over time, I realised: 1) abuse is about control, not a reaction or the abuser's "lack of self-control", despite what they would like their victims to believe; 2) abusers benefit from the shame of their victims and the silence and enablement of the community around them; 3) that my safety should come above EVERYTHING else (even a parent's feelings or the way other people viewed me); 4) parents OWE it to their children to keep them safe. 

Regarding the first point, I clearly recall the time my dad became irrational when my mum wanted to get a banana tree because he believed in the "banana tree ghost". What a coincidence that after I reminded him that the ghost only went after abusive men, he was nice to my mum for a day. (Hint: it was no coincidence. Abuse is calculated. Abusers are well aware of what they're doing.)

Regarding the last point, leaving is one of the proudest decisions I've ever made for myself and my family. But I wouldn't have woken up to these facts if it weren't for other people (previous survivors, loved ones, counsellors, the community) speaking up against violence, sharing their stories and highlighting what abuse is, voicing that it's not acceptable and showing support to victims. 

I'm outspoken about domestic violence, so that if someone who's in a similar situation to what I was once in can leave without shame, they can also live a better life. And so that my little boy can grow up not only in a safer environment, but use the values modelled by the people surrounding him to help create one.

-Amanda

We're walking to end violence against women and children.

We're walking to call for an end to violence against women and children.

Domestic violence is a national crisis that kills one woman every eleven days.

Our team is taking on this challenge to demand action and raise funds for women and children impacted by domestic violence.

Please make a donation and support our walk today.

Your support will ensure women and children can access safe accommodation and vital support services to help them heal from trauma and rebuild their lives.

Donate now to sponsor our walk and let’s stand together to show these women they are not alone.